10 things about me you may not know

1. I don't usually eat purple food. Grapes (only eat the green ones) eggplant, cabbage, etc. Not because of the color, its just coincidental they are all purple
2. I hate being cold and wet. Snow is awful.
3. Fall is my favorite because bugs dissapear and coffee becomes an everyday thing.
4. My biggest fear is being in a situation where I feel like I can't control my breath (someone covering my face, being held under water, panic attacks, etc.)
5. My dream vacation would involve touring Europe. Specifically Ireland, Switzerland, Italy, and Scotland.
6. I have never ridden a horse and I don't have any desire to. I like to pet them and walk with them safely on the ground but I don't want to be up in the air on one.
7. I love to write in my spare time but don't like to share what I wrote. I love English and am considering it fot my minor.
8. I hate when people text or look at their phones while you're talking to them.
9. I love The Notebook. I've seen it hundreds of times and its still my favorite movie of all time. I love romantic comedies, musicals, and superhero/action movies.
10. My new favorite thing to do in my spare time (when I can) is hanging out with my college group from church. I love how its such a hodgepodge of people with different interests  can come together, hang out, and have a blast.

A little bit about our Women's Retreat

This weekend I went on my first Women's Retreat with the women's ministry at my church. I loved it! I got to know a lot of the women at my church better, and formed relationships with many of them! Our theme was "Cafe Chocolate" and our bible studies centered around how God's Grace is as Sweet as Chocolate. Believe me when I say that I will be quite alright if I don't see anymore chocolate for a while. ;) We ate chocolate, we drank chocolate, we talked about chocolate, we thought about chocolate, we reflected on chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Soooooooooo much chocolate. BUT, it was a very 'sweet' weekend that I will always cherish.

We stayed at a place about thirty minutes away from Arlington called The Country Place. It was very beautiful and had lots of space outside to roam around, a lake to canoe in, a gorgeous inn we stayed at, walking trails, and various recreational spots like basketball courts, a playground, and soccer fields. Let the record show that I canoed not once, but TWICE, and I lovedddd it!!!!!!!!!! Had a blast! And I definitely did not flip out of my boat! :)

It was a beautiful weekend with a beautiful group of women. I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to share this time with them.

Whispers

Whispering. Verb.
1. The hushed laughter of voices plotting a surprise, planning a tickle fight, or hiding under the bed in hope of winning hide n seek.
2. The breath filled noise of betrayal, slander, secrets, and lies. Lips moving quickly trying to regurgitate as many rumors as possible in a gab fest with friends. Hurtful entertainment.

Here's my new rule of thumb. Its so obvious that it pains me that I've waited this long to implement it.

If I would whisper it, I shouldn't say it.

Girls are habitual gossips.  We don't talk loudly and openly about each other if the person is sitting in the same room as us. If we're feeling brave we might whisper a lie or two though.  If I pause before I speak and think about what I'm saying, I don't want to say anything I wouldn't say if that person were in the room. BELIEVE ME. Gossiping and slander has gotten me in trouble a time or two...or fifteen. How can I fix it? Start with the whisper rule. No whispering  unless I'm hiding or planning a surprise or in a special situation like a zombie apocalypse in which whispering would be vital. ; )

If you have a problem with someone be brave enough to say it to there face.  I've been on a side where I had an issue ans addressed it immediately, and on a side where I let anger and bitterness sink in for months before blowing up into an erupting volcano of hot fury. Trust me, the side where I addressed an issue immediately ended up so much better.  If you don't know something is broke you can't fix it. Trust me. Having "erupted" recently its something I don't ever want to do again.

Longest Day Ever

I'm laying down in bed, and all I can think about is how thankful I am for the times when God has really changed my perspective or outlook on a day like today...

I woke up this morning running a little behind for work and HAD to go get gas. I rode around town with my fuel light on all day yesterday, and there was no possible way I'd make it to Bartlett. So, I open my garage and get into my car but there is a big cement truck blocking the quick road to the highway (which I would take to get to the gas station) because of construction behind my house. So I have to go the long way around to get out of my neighborhood basically running on fumes. Not cool.

Fast forward. I have time to run by Starbucks before work. So I order a Hazelnut Frappe with a shot of espresso. This is just a side thing that didn't bother me, but it adds to the day. They did a white chocolate mocha frappe with a shot of espresso instead. Like I said, didn't bother me but its another part of the day that didn't go "right" 

I get to work and go in and set my room and can't find my craft stuff because I left it at home. So I set out on an adventure for some supplies. Usually I can come up with stuff pretty quick, but I wasn't in a creative mood and couldn't find any materials I was looking for, so I settled for letting the kids color white balloons. (Which I think they loved more anyway)

A close friend of mine walked into work after that happened but before the day began crying and really upset about some stuff which kind of threw me off.

My kids start to arrive and they were super hyper today. Not being bad, I have a really awesome group of kids!!! They were just being loud. Which was kind of new because we have a pretty laid back group.

I didn't have cash on me so I had to run over to Subway for lunch, and then when I came back one of my kids had fallen and hit their nose on the hard floor. Swollen and purple and really pitiful. I felt so bad. 

After work I went upstairs to paint for Kidzkamp. A couple of weeks ago I got some paint on the carpet in a few spots, so I brought some generic normal Resolve carpet cleaner today to get it up. (Directions said 'shake, sprinkle, vacuum, cleaned') totally harmless right? No. I'm pretty sure I ruined the carpet up in one of the rooms because the cleaner left big blotchy white spots all over where the paint was. Bad. Idea. I was just trying to help and look what happened. :(

So I was SUPPOSED to be in Arlington at 5 to help out with childcare for a womens ministry event but because of the carpet fiasco I was leaving right at 5. The good thing about that is that I was able to grab my cousin on the way out to come help :)

Last night I lost the back to one of my starter earrings so since we didn't have to be there until 6:30 now we had time to go by Claire's at the mall to buy me some new ones. The lady was superrrr rude, the store was dirty and crazy crowded, and these stupid earrings cost me $20!!! I leave that store after fifteen minutes of standing around and my cousin and I head out to the food court to grb a bite to eat before going to the church for the next few hours. We had about 20 minutes so we scarfed down a chicken sandwich from Chickfila and chugged our sodas. Then on the way out the door we shared a pretzel bite order from Auntie Anne's.

**note here that for the past 30 minutes or so up to this point I had been complaining to my cousin about how awful my day has been and how I can't wait for it to end, yada yada yada**

So we pull out of the parking lot by J Alexander's heading north on what I guess is Germantown Parkway? I don't know roads well. We were at the intersection by Barnes and Noble :) My light turns green and there is one car in front of me and for whatever reason I didn't go right away. Maybe I was fiddling with the radio, maybe I was laughing or sneezing, I don't know. I didn't go immediately though, and it might have saved me from a lot of damage.

I saw a lady swipe the side of a white car and then slam into the drivers side of a different black colored one. The driver of the black car that was hit launched himself out of his car and pretty much was lying in the middle of an extremely busy intersection. Scariest thing I've ever seen. I pull over into a parking lot and call 911 but I'm totally wigging out. I've never seen a "serious" wreck like that, especially not that close up. The dude ended up being fine, besides a couple of broken bones I believe. So then I have to stay and give a statement to the police and I got super nervous and panicky. I'm already kind of shaken up, and I guess standing on a street corner of a busy intersection talking to a cop about what I had just seen was kind of a lot. Well then, the best thing that had happened all day happened and a really good friend of ours from church who I babysit for shows up! He's also a cop and I felt a billion times better knowing someone there older than me who's done this a thousand times. Haha! But I saw him and just seeing a familiar face made me totally break down and have a hysterical come apart right there. I felt pretty dumb. I wasnt in the wreck, just behind it. Then when I calmed down we went to Chickfila for a milkshake and I ended up going to see Despicable Me 2 with him and his daughter.

So, it was a long day. But I realized that no matter how bad things may feel in the moment, they could always be worse. I was also reminded of Gods perfect timing for sure!! If we had left a few minutes earlier from mall I could've been car space ahead and been the one Tboned. If I had left the church a few minutes earlier I wouldn't have grabbed my cousin and I'm pretty sure I would've stayed shocked at the intersection for a while instead of pulling over to the parking lot because she was yelling at me to call 911. Just a crazy day, but I'm thankful for it! :)

Pencil Passion

Brand new crayons that are perfectly sharpened and in a specific order, packages of unopened paper that are in perfect stacks, glue sticks that haven't been used, binders that haven't been opened, pencils with smooth erasers and sharpened tips...is it pathetic that at eighteen I still get excited about new school supplies? There was something almost magical about back to school shopping when I was a kid: trying on new shoes, grabbing a few new pairs of blue jeans,  picking out a special outfit for the first day, grabbing your supply list from a local Walmart, digging through infinite bins for the cutest ruler or package of eight standard marker colors. I think one of my favorite memories from kindergarten through twelfth grade is shopping for school supplies every year.

Now, as I look to the future and dream about teaching in my own classroom I get even more excited about one day shopping for my future classroom. How excited you may ask? So excited that I decided to write a Facebook post about it, but when that wasn't enough I decided to write a multi paragraph blog post about it....I think that's pretty excited. I have Pinterest boards with hundreds of games to play, lessons to teach, crafts to make, books to read, and more. I LOVE going into places like Knowledge Tree to look at classroom decorations. For graduation, my birthday, and numerous just because occasions I've been given classroom supplies like bulletin board border, desk accessories, and classroom posters. I love proof reading papers, the feel of chalk gliding across a blackboard, and even the colors of white board markers! I love learning about education from its history to administrative responsibilities and school structure.

Most importantly, I love kids. I love listening to them and showing them new things, and playing games, and learning from them. I love the feeling I get when I feel like I've made a difference. I love watching kids grow up and learn more and teach me more as well.

If you're still reading this, I don't think I have to say that pursuing education is what I'm passionate about. There's a new chapter of my life beginning and I can't wait for it to begin!!! It's a beautiful thing when passion and career go hand in hand.

A little change might just do me good.

Well, here I am again, and probably for the last time. The bus ride home to Memphis from Destin Florida is one I've taken with members of my youth group every year for the last four years, and this year was the last. It's bittersweet. I am very sad about this chapter of my life coming to an end. My youth group has been such a vital part of my life! I look back on my middle school and high school career and don't focus about memories created at school or even after school extracurriculars so much as the memories I created with my youth group. 

My church is my extended family. I could fill pages upon pages of stories, funny tales, memories, and good times spent with my church family. I wouldnt be who I am without the influence of other chriatian friends, and the incredible men and women who have volunteered and invested time in a relationship with me to help me grow and mature in a relationship with Christ. 

I have graduated high school, and with this great accomplishment a few doors begin to close and new ones begin to open. I have "graduated" from my youth group and now have been given the opportunity to move up to the college aged class/group. And knowing that everything is about to be shaken up a little is pretty scary. Not only am I leaving a school I've been with for the last four years, but a group of individuals who I've known for even longer. I'm going to school next year in Memphis. I plan to still attend the church I attend now, and I plan on continuing to stay just as involved with my church family as Ive ever been. 

 I'm  not saying goodbye, but I am beginning a new chapter in my life. It's unknown and a little scary, but I'm so excited! I wasn't at first, and I really wasn't until about two or three days ago. This new beginning holds new opportunities, new stories that will unfold, new adventures, new memories, and the opportunity to grow and mature as a child of God.

I guess in a nutshell this past week can be described simply as a nostalgic one. I spent a lot of time thinking about the time I had with my youth group. With my toes in the sand, the wind whipping my hair, the sun shining across the water, and with people I love surrounding me I realized how much my life has been impacted by my church and began to imagine what's in the future and what God has in store for me. My story is far from over. This chapter is just ending. I'm not leaving, it's just time for a change. And for the first time ever, I'm okay with that. Change might just be good :)

The struggle.

A few weeks ago I posted a blog post titled "I am Free" and I talked briefly about things I struggle with and wrestle with in my life, and how I had this crazy moment when I was driving down a road with the windows rolled down literally yelling and crying out to God that I was done with those things that are holding me back from living the life I want to.

Unfortunately, I didn't mean it. I wish I had, but I didn't. I meant it when I was laughing and praying and praising God in my car, I meant it when I was typing that blog post, I meant it the next day when I was getting up and getting dressed...so what happened? How come I'm right back to square one? I have no clue how I got back, or what keeps coming up over and over again to put me back in the same spot, but I'm really sick of it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in an emotional, spiritual, mental bump on a log mood and I want to get up and truly move on. So what am I doing wrong? I have good intentions so why aren't they providing good results?

Here's what I was reminded of today: because of who Christ is and what He did for me by dying on the cross I don't have to struggle to be free. I don't have to panic about someone not liking me, or have a complete meltdown when I'm feeling like I'm disappointing God. I am free to struggle. I am free to come to the throne of God with confidence, lay down my problems in piles across the ground in front of Him, point at each one and say " God, I have no clue what to do about this. You do though, so you can take it for me. I don't want to worry about it.." And that's all I have to do. I have to ask for help. I have to accept the very simple truth that I don't deserve that help. I don't deserve forgiveness or mercy, or Gods grace, but he gives it to me and to you every day. I've always wondered why. I've always subconsciously questioned why on earth God would continue to forgive someone for the same mistake they make over and over and over again. And I can never come up with an answer that satisfied me. I kept wanting to say "because I've done SOMETHING that makes Hin love me, right? He doesn't actually just love everyone unconditionally, does he? I bet He bangs his head against a wall and gets tired of giving out forgiveness all the time so I bet he walks away sometimes." But none of that is true. I haven't done anything to MAKE God love me. I volunteer in church, I read my bible most of the time, I do my daily devotional, I pray, I lead a bible study, I take notes during sermons, I'm a good little Christian girl. That HAS to make God more proud of me, happier about who I am, and love me more. I know someone who accepted Christ a long time ago, used to go to church, but who doesn't now. They "fell off the path" and now God is far removed from their current lifestyle.. God must not love them as much, right? Hahaha wrong!!! God doesn't play favorites. He loves pastors of churches and He loves people  in prison with a lifetime sentence the same way: unconditionally. So, there is nothing I can do AT ALL to make him love me more because He simply already loves me forever and ever and ever.

What does that unconditional love look like? It means he won't just turn around and walk away when I make a mistake. It means instead of rolling his eyes when I'm upset and crying over something kind of stupid, he's standing there with arms wide open to give me a tight hug and a shoulder to cry on. There's not a thing I could do to make him leave me by myself, and I'm not sure why I have such a hard time understanding that.

So, ladies and gentlemen: I give up. I give up on unattainable expectations of perfection I've placed on my shoulders. I give up on trying my hardest to please others so I will feel accepted. I give up on trying to do more and be more and act more. I give up on living like this. It's exhausting. Everyday there's a civil war raging inside my head. Who I am, who I think others think I am, who I want to be, and who I once was are battling it out inside my brain. Every day the battle continued without any signs of who's winning, but with all signs saying that regardless, I'm losing. Because "Who God wants me to be" isn't one of the girls fighting in this battle. She's off in a dungeon that's forgotten about as a prisoner of the war. She's tired of being ignored. She's trapped because as long as this internal battle continues within me, she can't truly exist. She struggling to get out.

That's the point I'm trying to make. It may not make sense to you, but I'm trying to explain it the best I can: I am struggling to get out. God didn't create me so I could spend all my time stressing out about someone's opinion of me. That's not who God wants me to be. And because I am a born again believer I don't have to. All I have to do is simply choose Jesus and choose to accept that in who He is I am free.

Surreal

Today was a day when I realized I really am graduating high school...

• I stood up with the other seniors at church and gave advice to the younger students in my Sunday school class about high school and staying involved.

• I was recognized in front of our congragation as a graduate and I didn't fall

• I attended my baccalaureate in my cap and gown and made pictures with my family

• I came home and took a nap and wasn't stressed out about the things I could be doing instead

• I woke up and made a really important decision all by myself regarding an event I'm in charge of planning

• I went out for coffee at 8:30pm with a friend without caring at all what time it was

• My mom didn't give me a curfew or any kind of restrictions or instructions regarding this coffee date

I know these are just small, meaningless things to you, but to me these were the little things that hit me and made me realize that I'm going to walk across the stage and graduate in less than 48 hours. Boo yah

Invisible illness questions

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illnesses I live with are: Type 2 Diabetes, chronic migraines, anxiety attacks, and depression.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: I was diagnosed with diabetes my sophomore year of high school, migraines in 2012, and anxiety/depression at the end of 2012/beginning of 2013

3. But I had symptoms since: I can remember having symptoms of diabetes for most my sophomore year. I would get kidney infections a lot and that's what ultimately led to being tested. I've struggled with migraines for a couple of years but they got worse after a seizure in July. I've struggled with having anxiety attacks my entire life, but they haven't been as intense as the ones in the past year or so. The depression is new. This started in the past year or so, around same time as seizure. It's clinical, and there is something in my hormone levels that causes it and makes everything off.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: not being hard on myself and blaming myself for the parts I can't control. I also missed a lot of school which was difficult.

5. Most people assume: that I am a happy, upbeat person because of thow I act when I'm around others. I am that person but that is only one layer. I do hurt, I do cry and I do have hard times when dealing with my illnesses. I am human and have a full range of emotions. I think living with any chronic illness comes with highs and lows, days when you are strong, and days when you need strength.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: just getting moving at first. Some days are really good and I don't have any problems! But, some days I wake up with a pounding, crippling headache and I would do just about anything to crawl back under my covers. Sometimes I have a hard night of anxiety attacks and then wake up the next day exhausted and depressed. The depression is the worst when it rains, and rain causes headaches and migraines as well, so it's safe to say rainy days are the hardest.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Grey's Anatomy and HOUSE. I like HOUSE because of the mysteries and how it wasn't like a lot of other medical shows, and I like Grey's because of the characters and story lines.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my glucose meter to check my blood sugar.

9. The hardest part about nights are: waking up with migraines or waking up with a panic attack in the middle of the night.

10. Each day I take: 3 pills and various vitamins for a few different vitamin deficiencies I have

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: I believe that anything that helps you feel good and doesn’t hurt yourself or others is ok. I think exercise helps with anxiety, depression, and blood sugar levels. I also think that sleep can completely cure a migraine.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I would choose to have an invisible illness. I don't like for people to feel sorry for me, and I don't like to ask for help, so honestly an invisible illness is easier to "hide." Maybe not the best way to look at it, but it's honest. The downside to any invisible illness is that people can have trouble understanding what they can not physically see and think you're faking when you're really struggling.

13. Regarding working and career: When your passion becomes your purpose there is nothing you can’t do. We might think we choose our work, or career but I do believe that god knows what is best for us and finds a way to put us in that path. With what I want to do one day, I'm thankful my illnesses do not hinder me from doing what I love.

14. People would be surprised to know: That I cry ALL the time! A lot if people have puffy eyes and faces after crying for five minutes. I can cry for hours, dry my eyes, wipe my nose, and then go to school or the store or whatever and put on my smile.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: telling others, accepting that I will have bad days, facing challenges rather than running from them, and trying to keep it looking like I have it all together. I'm staying home for my first year of college against my original plans, mostly because of different medications and what not we're trying. That was hard. I'm at peace with it now, but it took a long time to get there.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: live a normal life with diabetes. I thought it was the end of the world when I was diagnosed, and now it's part of who I am.

17. The commercials about my illness:

Diabetes: there are a lot about diabetes awareness which are nice, and a lot about different meters you can buy to monitor blood sugar.

Migraines: none come to mind

Anxiety: none come to mind

Depression: lots! It's kind of downplayed though which is kind of misleading to others. "You're depressed? Pop some medicine, smile, move on! You're fine" is a message I think a lot of depression commercials send, but it isn't that easy unfortunately.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: having a good attendance record at school.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: sugar at first, with the diabetes. That's easier now though, and I'm living a healthier lifestyle than I was at one point in my life. 

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I actually haven’t taken up any exciting new hobbies that I can think of right now. I would LOVE to learn more about photography and art, or reading more than I get to have time for. 

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I would just try to cram as much stuff into a good day as possible. Spend it with family and friends,  relax, have fun, not worry.

22. My illness has taught me: Who my real friends and family are. The people who support you every day, for better or for worse…. in sickness and in health those are the people who truly love you. That god is going to let me bend but not allow me to break. That God is going to throw a lot at me at once to see if I will depend on him. That I am stronger than I think I am. That I don't give up, even when I want to more than anything.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: I hate when people say depression or anxiety isn't real or people just say they have it to get attention. Type in anxiety disorders, or clinical depression into google and see how many thousands of articles show up talking about if. It's real. I also hate when people say stuff like "oh, you have diabetes? You should eat better and excersise more." Gee, thank you. If only someone had told me that when they told me I had diabetes. I'm not stupid, I know those things help. It's not just diet and excersise though, and there are factors I can't control. It also makes me roll my eyes when people say "I have a migraine" on Facebook or twitter or something. If it was a migraine you'd be throwing up, wanting total silence, in a dark room. You would not be staring at a computer screen or texting your friends. Trust me.

24. But I love it when people: are understanding and nonjudgmental, allowing me to cope with pain in my own ways.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It will be hard, but it will be ok. YOU ARE NOT ALONE

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I can still do normall, every day things

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: My parents love is endless and has no boundaries. They do nice things constantly, too many to mention or count. But knowing I can count on them is the nicest feeling in the world.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Weekbecause: If all of us do our part, write a blog post, re tweet this post, share on facebook, pass on info.. whatever. Each step is a step closer to awareness, understanding and acceptance. It is the easiest thing we can do, but collectively will make a difference.

This isn't invisible illness awareness week, but I can still show my support and share a piece of my story.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: like others may understand a little more now, and if you read this without judging me, I feel loved.

I Am Free

Fear. Anxiety. Frustration. People. Shame. Guilt. Change. Control. These are things I've been holding onto and clinging to for months! MONTHS! God has been telling me over and over and over again to let them go and I just couldn't. I could handle it. It's not a big deal. I've got this. I can do it. I don't need help.

I lied.

I don't know exactly when I became totally dependent and focused on just myself and when I started feeling depressed and anxious about everything,but I bet they go hand in hand. I've gotten comfortable with sad and mundane and now it's time to move on! For the first time in probably a year or more I'm fired up about my relationship with God and here's what I'm going to do about it.

First of all I'm gonna tell God that I am letting it go! DONE. I was driving down highway 70 and I rolled down the window and said "God, I've locked myself in a prison on self pity and self consciousness and fear and that's not how you want me to live. I've sat here long enough so let's do this together and get out of this." And then I started yelling all the words I typed up top. "FEAR" "ANXIETY" "SCHOOL" "DRAMA" "GUILT" and others. I want to remember that every time I drive down that road so I have a constant reminder that I gave it all up. No more. I've been trying to keep all this bottled up for so long and now it's all just tumbling out.

Second, I'm going to fall in love with Jesus again. He hasn't been my first love for a while and I'm going to do whatever I have to change that. Someone told me pretty recently that I had fallen out of love with Jesus and I didn't want to believe them. I'm a good Christian girl, of course I love Jesus. Unfortunately that's not true. A relationship takes two people. I wanted Jesus on Sundays and at church but I didn't want him to help with my stuff. I didnt talk to him. I stopped getting to know him. Well, I want to get to know him and I want to talk to him and let him get to know me.

Third, I'm going to surround myself with people who are going to help me up. I'm picking myself up off the ground and no one can do that for me. I'm confident for the first time in years that I can truly do that because I'm NOT doing it alone. I need to tell others though and accept help and advice and hang out with people who will bring me up.

This is just so crazy. I can try to explain it the best I can but I don't know how it'll sound to you. I have known something was wrong with my relationship with God for months. Maybe even a year or two. Sure, I have had high times and low, but overall it's just been a gross funk. Going through the motions to just get things done. I would pray for something to change me or something to stir my emotions and I'd get nothing. Last night, I texted someone and said I need a serious attitude adjustment. I said something like "I don't know what I'm going to do about it but something has to change"

After that I just prayed. I prayed until I fell asleep last night, I prayed this morning, I prayed at school, I prayed at home, I prayed and prayed and prayed. Some were long and some were just desperate whispers saying "God, please show me something. Anything"

Well I'll be a monkey's aunt! The bible study lesson tonight was about letting go of bitterness and how women become comfortable with unhappy. Once I really realized what Gods been telling me for WEEEEKS I said that I'm done! I went on a drive and was praying and hollering and I was smiling. For no reason. And I turn on KLove and a new song by MikesChair comes on call All I Can Do that's perfect!!! Then Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave. Then a song that was just an awesome praise song. I've turned on KLove a lot because I'm supposed to listen to it. I'm a Christian. I hum the tunes and mindlessly sing the lyrics. Tonight, I was belting out lyrics and singing and living every second because I have someone to sing the songs to! This is the happiest I've been for a while and I'm pumped. And it's awesome!! All it took was a really good metaphorical slap in the face. Maybe this makes zero sense to you, and that's ok. It doesn't really make sense to me either but here's the best way I can explain it:

I am choosing to be happy. My mom has been telling me since sophomore year when all this seemed to start that I just had to choose happy. I argued its not that easy. But it is. I am choosing to let go of bitterness, frustration, control, selfishness, hatred, all of the gross stuff. For real this time. I'm done. And now that I'm over all this stuff that's been holding me down I feel like I can fly. And it's awesome.

One Thousand Gifts (March 8th-26th

March 8th: 3 gifts loud
1. The hallways at school drive me nuts because they are crowded, stinky, and smelly. They're always SUPER loud in between classes, but I'm thankful for a place to learn
2. My car. If it's warmer than 45 degrees the windows are down and the music is turned up. Always. :)
3. Concerts I've been to with the youth group

March 9th:3 gifts carved
1. I like looking at my parents wedding pictures and there is a cute one of them "carving" the cake that's really cute.
2. Memories of carving a pumpkin with Kamryn and Brandon at Halloween
3. A cross necklace that I got on a youth retreat a few years ago

March 10th:3 gifts in Christ
1. Unconditional Love
2. Undeserved Grace
3. Peace

March 11th:3 gifts read
1. Graceful: For Young Women by Emily Young
2. There You'll Be by Jenny B. Jones
3. The Christy Miller Series by Robin Jones Gunn

March 12th: A gift in wind, in water, in white
1. A gentle breeze on a pretty spring day
2. Swimming in the ocean in the summertime
3. White napkins to use at picnics outside :)

March 13th: 3 gifts round (HARD)
1. Um...my class ring
2. Ummm...the tires on my car
3. Ummmmm...I keep thinking of other shapes!!!!! Uhh...when the youth group gets together for pizza (that's round) parties and movie nights (DVDs are round)

March 14th: 3 gifts found in silence
1. Being able to regroup and relax
2. Quiet time reading my devotional and praying
3.  Daydreaming

March 15th: 3 gifts given away
1. Time
2. Scrapbook I made when my best friend moved away
3.  Not really a "gift" but I like writing letters and little notes to friends and family

March 16th: 3 hard graces
1. When someone tells you something you NEED to hear but absolutely do not want to.
2. When you're in the middle of a storm of life and everything seems to be coming at you from all sides...because that's when you cling to God the most, or run away and are accepted back with His open arms
3. Doing something you don't want to do to benefit yourself later on in life. (i.e going to Memphis University my freshman year instead of a different school in another state)

March 17th: a gift turned, folded, hung
1. When you forgive someone you "turn over a new leaf"
2. My mom folds my laundry :D
3. My prom dress hanging up (or it will once it comes in from the store)

March 18th: 3 gifts red
1. The services that the fire (red) department provides. Funny story: I don't know when this was but one time my parents had to call the fire department because they smelled something burning and it ended up being a fly that had flown into a halogen lamp and was burning and dying. Ha!
2. Apple(red)sauce(not red...) at lunchtime
3. My Teaching as a Profession binder for 7th period. Definitely a favorite class

March 19th: 3 gifts eaten
1. Fettuccine Alfredo (my favorite!)
2. Granola Bars for breakfast on the run
3. Thankful that my family doesn't have to worry about where the next meal is going to come from

March 20th: 3 gifts that make you laugh
1. My brother
2. My Mom and my Dad
3. The middle school girls

March 21st: a gift salty, sweet, and just right
1. Lays Classic Potato Chips
2. Ice Cream
3. Pretzal M&ms or Peanut Butter M&ms

March 22nd: 3 gifts found in his word
1. It always blows my mind when I read something that really applies to me. Especially first thing in the morning, it makes the day seem much smoother
2. When I'm stressed out about stuff and I read verses about Peace
3. When I am reminded of how much He loves me

March 23rd: 3 gifts found in women today
1. My mom's humble attitude
2. My best friend's sense of humor that always can make me laugh
3. Watching women at church serve in different ways

March 24th: 3 gifts spoken
1. Hearing words of encouragement spoken to me
2. Listening to words of advice and wisdom
3. Listening to Sunday School lessons from Rhett

March 25th: A gift sung, written, painted
1. The Stand is one of my favorite songs
2. Letters written to me I keep in a scrapbook
3. A cross collage my cousin painted for me

March 26th: 3 gifts almost gone
1. My high school experiance!
2. My time as a "kid"
3. My lunch...because I'm eating it

One Thousand Gifts March 1st-7th

March 1st: 3 gifts at 3pm
1. Relaxing at home after a long day at school
2. A quick snack while watching TV (usually Reba)
3. Starting homework...well, that's what I SHOULD be doing at 3 anyway.

March 2nd: 3 things green (feeling nostalgic today)
1. I don't know what made me think of this. In the summer time when I was little I remember running in the Elmo sprinkler in the backyard barefoot. I'd be soaked, there would be grass stuck all over my feet,  and when I went to the hose to wash them off a puddle of thick, brown, mud would collect around the flower bed. The next day if it wasn't all dried up it would make it really easy to dig in and michael and I really liked to dig holes in the backyard. I remember digging under the stupid gum-ball tree one time and hitting a white pipe and Michael and I completely freaked out because we thought we had found a dinosaur bone. Ha!
2. Green army men that Michael used to have everywhere. It wasn't uncommon for me to find a little green dude in my polly pocket box or barbie house
3. At our old house we had a floral wallpaper in my room. It was green vine type things with blue and yellow flowers all over it. (That sounds really ugly, but it was really really pretty. I hated it for a long time, but I kind of miss it now)

March 3rd: 3 gifts wore
1. A yellow scarf from my friend Kamryn
2. My class ring
3. Headbands from my grandparents

March 4th: 3 gifts hard to give thanks for
1. People who have hurt me. It's very easy to hold a grudge and hate people, but it's much more difficult to forgive them, love them, and thank God for them
2. When you're in the middle of a storm in life it can be very hard to thank God and praise Him under all circumstances. It's much easier to praise Him when everything is going good.
3. When people just do random, nice things for me I have a hard time just accepting them and saying thank-you. I'm also not very good at accepting compliments. Haha, I guess it makes me uncomfortable a bit so I usually just say a quick thanks and change the subject. :)

March 5th: 3 things found
1. My Bible!!!!! It was under a pile of clothes on my dresser behind a book...don't judge. ;o) My room is a wreck and when I was cleaning it the other day I found it. I've been using my iPod or my mom's bible for weeks!
2. My other shoe. I mean, I have lots of shoes but there was one shoe in particular that was missing. It was my black ballet flat with the bow on the front that is probably one of my favorites. It was under my bed...behind a tissue box. Also found while cleaning.
3. Postcards from various trips I've taken. I like collecting postcards from places I've been because they're usually pretty cheap and I can jot down the dates of the trip on the back of it. :) I found a lot of them in a shoebox in my closet the other day while I was cleaning it out. Isn't it cool, all the stuff you can find when you clean your room? I don't even clean up more than half of it because I'm so excited about all the things I've found.

March 6th: A gift bent, broken, beautiful
1. Haha, ok. I got a chinese yo yo from my mom from Pier One Imports a few weeks ago when I was having a bad day. I was playing with it all afternoon when I got home that day and I hit my mom in the face with it BY ACCIDENT. She was pretty mad, but what she didn't know is that her face bent my yo yo and I can't use it anymore. :( Good thing it was only like a dollar. Hahahaha! :D
2.  When the internet "breaks" or goes down and instead of instant messaging someone on facebook or twitter, you actually have to call them. I think we forget how important actually talking to people is, instead of texting or messaging or tweeting.
3. Happy people who are laughing and smiling, people I know or people I don't, and really beautiful.

March 7th: Three gifts in the kitchen
1. Microwave because I hate cooking things on a stove
2. Milk because I love cereal and it doesn't involve cooking
3. Easymac because it's microwavable, easy, tasty, and doesn't involve cooking

One Thousand Gifts (Feb. 17th-28th)

Feb. 17th: 3 gifts in giving/serving
1. Making other people smile
2. Being able to serve kids and the middle school girls
3. Doing things anonymously

Feb. 18th: 3 gifts on paper
1. God's Word
2. Words I've written in my journals
3. A book my mom got me on my 16th birthday called "Eat Your Peas Daughter"

Feb. 19th:3 gifts that were "Plan Bs"
1. Yearbook :) I thought I would do newspaper my junior and senior year because I didn't like it at all my sophmore year. I'm really glad I stuck with it!
2. Deciding about college. I grew up and always thought I would absolutely for sure go to Memphis. No doubt in my mind. Now, I am shopping around and looking at different colleges which is something I never thought I would do. Still not sure where I'll end up, and it might end up being Memphis, but no matter what I decide I know that God is going to take care of me.
3. The Middle School Girls Bible Study: this isn't a Plan B but it's something I never saw myself doing.

Feb. 20th: a gift at breakfast, lunch, and dinner
1. Cereal. I really like cereal. It's one of those random things I can eat at any point of the day...
2. Time spent with friends
3. Time spent with family

Feb. 21st: 3 gifts white
1. Snow (Which we aren't getting enough of this year by the way...)
2. White sandy beaches
3. Fresh cotton scents

Feb. 22nd: 3 gifts that changed today
1. My attitude
2. My persepctive
3. My schedule

Feb. 23rd: a gift of tin, glass, wood
1. Tin cans from soup in the winter
2. Windows that let sunshine in
3. Wooden cross necklace I got from a youth retreat a few years ago

Feb. 24th: 3 gifts before 11 am
1. A sunrise symbolizing a new day
2. All of my hard classes are over with by 11 am :)
3. On Sundays when we have Sunday School with the youth group

Feb. 25th: a gift worn out, new, made-do
1. My teddy bear, Bear-y. I've had it since I was a year old and it has gone absolutely everywhere with me whenever I go to spend the night somewhere even to do this day
2. New possibilities and opportunities that are presenting themselves
3. (Stole from Christina A.) My body. I'm not physically fit or a size zero, but God has blessed me with many great qualities! I'm working on getting healthier by making new choices, but I'm still happy with who I am and who God has made me to be! He's still working on me!

Feb. 26th: 3 gifts seen as reflections (Reflecting on things, or mirror reflections? It doesn't matter I don't guess...)
1. Memories of sitting on the beach
2. Thinking about all the time I've spent with the people I love and care about
3. Watching my reflection in the water on the lake when we went boating or jet skiing on the lake when I was younger.

Feb. 27th: Three ugly/beautiful gifts
1. A pair of pajama pants that are worn thin, have holes in them, but that are oh so comfortable!
2. My mom has this scotty-dog angel statue thing that is seriously one of the creepiest things I've ever seen. It's beautiful though because I know that it's special to her and that she really likes it.
3. My dog has a pillow he sits on all the time in "his" corner of the couch. It's gotten pretty stinky and lumpy and strange looking. It's really ugly, but we won't throw it away because he likes it so much.

Feb. 28th:Three gifts from the past that help me trust the future
1. God's taken care of me. He hasn't let me give up and even though I've tried to run away from Him on numerous occasions He's still kept up with me walking or running right along side me.
2. My diabetes. I thought getting diabetes was going to be the end of the world, but it's something that I've accepted and it's part of my life now. Even though I don't always like it, and it can be a big pain in the butt sometimes, I'm thankful that it's something I can control. Dealing with the diagnosis and all the things that came with it I know I can get through other things, that was one of the hardest things I've ever had happen to me, but I got through it. Knowing I overcame that, I know I can overcome other things that are thrown at me in this life.
3. I've learned from my past that I can't always do things by myself and that it's okay to ask others for help. I can ask others to pray for me, I can ask others to help me when I need it, and I can ask others just to listen when I need them to.

I can't stop smiling...

Today was wonderful and I have to tell you why.
I've had a rough couple of weeks. I really want to tell you that everything has been great and smiley but it really hasn't been. There's a lot of little things that have been going on for a while but specifically the last month or so has been really difficult. I had a complete meltdown on Sunday afternoon after I got home from church but before I went back that night, for no reason. I tried to put my finger on exactly what was wrong and honestly, I couldn't figure it out. I just cracked. I felt fine when i got home that night i guess, so i tried to forget about it and move on. Monday and Tuesday were both really tough days. Lots and lots of tears, angry words, minor meltdowns, etc.

I have been trying really really hard lately to do everything right. I don't care if its something as simple as tying my shoes a certain way or acing a test. (Thats an example thats really extreme, but you get the idea) Everything I do HAS to be perfect. This pressure comes from myself and no one else, I promise. But I think the pressure was really starting to get to me.

Today I just relaxed. I didn't stress about the math lesson I was learning, I tried to enjoy gym class and joke around with my friends instead of complaining about feeling like i was wasting my time, I did my best on an English test but didn't freak out and panic when I didn't know the answers, wasn't so hard on myself when I made mistakes throughout the day, and smiled more. I came home and cleaned my room while listening to some awesome worship music, Kamryn came over and we went to dinner and Starbucks before church, and church tonight was just awesome. I was in the best mood I've been in in weeks, and I just totally relaxed around the people I was with. I didn't care about what people thought about me and since I wasn't stressing out about what everyone else thought about me I honestly enjoyed the time I had with my youth group :)

Our lesson tonight was about our identity in Christ. While our youth pastor, Russ, was explaining to us what it meant I couldn't stop smiling. I've heard it a hundred times and have taught Sunday school lessons and talked to middle school girls about it but it really really clicked tonight. In Christ I am free to struggle and no matter what happens I'm okay. There's nothing keeping me from having a hundred more days like today because I can wake up tomorrow and the next day and the next day, take a deep breath, and just relax in knowing that I am a daughter of the king and that He loves me even with my imperfections. Believe me, there are ALOT of them! I don't have to feel this pressure to be perfect because no matter what I do I'll never be good enough. I can't earn my way into heaven or make God love me more by doing things just right. He already loves me unconditionally and I don't think I'll ever be able to fully understand that.

Today I have smiled more than I have in months, laughed until tears rolled down my face, and just let go of my "try hard" life. I was reminded that my identity is in Christ- which is something I definitely forgot, and I even cleaned my room ;) Just an awesome day that i am incredibly thankful for.

One Thousand Gifts (February 3rd-16th)

February 3rd: 3 gifts found in writing

1. My journals I've somewhat kpet up with since freshmen year.

2. Notes and letters from friends and family

3. Cards I've gotten from my kids at church

February 4th: 3 gifts found when bent down

1. Picking up my bedroom. (I'm thankful for the things I have.)

2. "Secrets" whispered in my ear from kids at church

3. Wet, drooling, kisses from my dog.

February 5: a gift stitched, hammered, woven

Stitched: My clothes

Hammered: My home

Woven: My life has been woven with other lives to create beautful patterns and designs. (Haha this was a stretch)

February 6: 3 gifts found outside
 1. Fresh air

2. SUNSHINE!!!!

3. Streets I can drive on. I love driving with the windows rolled downand the music turned up :)

February 7: A gift at 11:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m., and 6:30 p.m.
 
1. Chilling out in Yearbook :) Thankful for this (mostly) relaxing part of the school day

2. Coming home and being able to recollect after the day at school

3. On Tuesdays I'm at the church for prayer service/focus groups. On Wednesdays I'm at the church for REVERB. Those are two favorite parts of the week :)

February 8th:A gift broken, fixed, thrifted
 
1 and 2. Understanding that by myself I am extremely broken. I can't do anything with Christ. He has fixed me up though, and with Him there isn't anything I can't do.

3. I once had to make about 60 individual "goodie bags" for something I had volunteered for. I bought all the ziplocs, 60 packets of flower seeds, three bags of dum-dums, and index cards to write little notes on for under $20 at Dollar General. Haha =D

February 9th: 3 surprise gifts

1. I was given a super sweet surprise party when we went to FL with the youth group last summer

2. Unexpected boquets of flowers my mom brings home for me on bad days

3. My new cell phone I got for valentines day

February 10th: 3 times heard laughter today

1. In a restaurant

2. In the car

3. In the store

February 11th: 3 gifts in working

1. College Plans

2. Prom Plans

3. Plans in general about the future

February 12th: 3 hard eucharisteos (graces or blessings)
1. My diabetes. It's difficult but it's brought me closer to my friends and family members who struggle with diabetes

2. My migraines. It's hard but God doesn't make me go through it alone. My best friend struggles with the same thing

3. My anxiety. This is new and scary but once again I'm not alone and I've learned a great deal from it.

4. My depression. I've learned that I can't control everything. God is allowing this to happen to me because he's using it to glorify him. Please note again that I'm not going through that alone either. I have a very close family member who also is dealing with same type of depression

February 13th: 3 gifts behind a door

1. Encouraging words I wrote on sheets of paper and hung up in my closet

2. New opportunities

3. In my home I can open the door and come home to a quiet and peaceful place, or a loud and lively place surrounded by lots of people. Both are things that I absolutely love!

February 14th: 3 ways you feel the love of God

1. Through the people He has placed in my life

2. In the moments when I feel like I'm struggling the most He reminds me of His presence

3. When I'm reminded that He is the Prince of Peace and that His mercies are new every morning!

February 15th: A gift in losing, finding, making something

1. The grace I find when I lose the idea that I have to be perfect

2. My identity found in Christ

3. The joy I get from making things for people

February 16th: 3 gifts in shadows

1. A different perspective when your life seems to be darker than it normally is

2. The relaxing shade of big tree

3. Sometimes, really pretty lighting for pictures. ;)

One Thousand Gifts (Jan 30-Feb. 2nd)

This post is shorter because I included pictures.

January 30: 3 old things seen new

1. How I used to see myself. I used to have horrible self esteem and never thought I was pretty. I think every girl in the world struggles with those thoughts, but I look at my physical appearance much more differently now than I have in the past. I am beautifully and wonderfully made! <3

2. My past mistakes. Looking back at mistakes I've made in the past used to be enough to make me want to hurl; some days it still is. I am really bad about holding onto things I can't change and I'm learning to look at those things differently.

3. My grades. I have spent a lot of time staring at scores and cramming for tests, procrastinating, panicking, freaking out if it isn't perfect. I'm learning that not every single living thing depends on what my algebra grade is, or my English test score was. It's a struggle, but I'm looking at that differently too.

January 31: A gift on paper, in a person, in a picture

Paper: Words and pictures I've collaged over the years that inspire me and make me smile

Person: how self-less my mom is absolutely blows my mind. I can only hope and pray that I'll be even half the person she is one day. She's amazing and her attitude and just who she is as a person is a beautiful and overwhelming-ly awesome gift.

Picture: Being a photography nerd, pictures in general just hold memories. I love that you can look at a picture and just remember. Memories are gifts :) Nature is something I really like to take pictures of, so here are a few of those :)

February 1: 3 things red

1. The red sweater I have on today because it's National American Heart Association Day. I never had any kind of emotional attachment to days like this, or organizations like that, before my grandmother had her stroke. It's not that I didn't care, but that I never thought anyone in my family would have a serious heart problem like that, so I never paid attention to their infomercials. Things like that happen to "other people" never to someone you know. Now I think it's really important to make myself aware of days like today and to support and pray for organizations like this one who's goal is to make people aware of life threatening conditions.
You can read about Strokes here :)
http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/AboutStroke/About-Stroke_UCM_308529_SubHomePage.jsp

2. My owl wallet.

3. My red scarves :) Wearing my red and gold one today! Love scarves!

February 2nd:Three gifts on paper (Had a really hard time with this one!)
1. Words in books

2. Letters and cards from friends I keep in a shoebox

3. Wisdom from the bible

A Post to Make You Laugh

Last night I took a Tylenol PM before I went to bed. It was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time, but I had some of the craziest dreams I have ever had. I don't know how I switched from subject to subject so quickly but it was bizarre.I also find it very comical so I thought I would share.

My "first dream" was that our school was performing High School Musical and I had one line after intermission. I couldn't find a script or anyone to tell me what the line was. I was in the play on opening night but I hadn't been to any rehearsals at all. So everyone is dancing around and I'm trying really hard to keep up and stay where I think I should stay. It was weird. We were also in a gym instead of an auditorium and all the audience members had to stand around the sidelines.

My "second" dream was shorter. I was at my church's youth room and one of my friends and I were trying to decide who's car to take on the way home. I said "Hey, let's take my car because it's grey and your car is blue." and he said "Great idea! Plus, I'm glad you said to do that because there is a dead squirrel attached to my bumper I can't get off." ??????? But my car wouldn't start so we had to take his car. I poured myself a bowl of cereal (????????????) and ate it in the backseat and the squirrel had somehow appeared in the backseat with me. This dream has no point besides the fact that I ate cereal in the backseat of a friend's car with a dead squirrel.

The "third" dream was about a cat that had a cat's tail and a dog's tail. A big, scary tiger wanted to catch this cat because it was his favorite treat. (???????????) I found the cat and was talking to him and stuff and he was telling me about all the times he's been captured by the tiger but escaped. Then the tiger tricked both of us into staying in a hotel room with all these closet doors. that had really cute little dog outfits in them.The cat with dog's tail was mad because it couldn't wear any. We hung out and waited further instructions from the tiger.

The "fourth" dream was that I ran a red light in Bartlett and didn't get caught. BUT, I was completely freaking out and dreading telling my parents and afraid I'd get a ticket in the mail.

Then I woke up. I didn't wake up at all last night, so I'm not sure what caused the shift in dreams. It was the most random thing I've probably ever experienced.

One Thousand Gifts (Jan 24-Jan 29)

January 24th: three things blue

1. My favorite Malibu heat body scrub container from bath and body works.

2. Blue and brown purse grandma got me for Christmas

3. My iPod

January 25th: Borrowed, Found, and Inherited

1. Borrowed- various scarves and purses from Kamryn over the years, books from Tate, clothes from mom, and CDs from my dad

2. Found- My "Baby Lips" lips balm. This was a splurge gift from my mom I suppose. I don't spend a lot of money uon brand name make up but really wanted that lip balm. Used it ALLL the time and them suddenly couldn't find it anywhere. Assumed I lost it, or left it in a pocket and it got lost, but I found it a few days ago under an assortment of things on a chair in my room. (This indirectly tells you how horribly messy my room is and how often I clean it...or don't clean it)

3. Inherited- Diabetes. I've explained before that I really don't like the diabetes itself but I do like all the I've gained from it. Ask me about it sometimes if you've never heard me talking about it before

January 26th- Gift at dawn, noon, and after dark

1. Dawn- ugh. Not a morning person. Ha! I guess just a new day in general though. Gods mercy is new every morning so that's pretty cool. I love my hot coffee or my hot tea in the mornings. I love waking up and being able to sleep for a little longer too...

2. Noon- the day is halfway over so knowing that the rest of my day at school is really easy is a gift. I'm in yearbook at that point of my day so it's pretty relaxing for the most part

3. After Dark- watching TV with the fily after dinner, curling up under the covers, wearing my pjs, etc. I have a pretty regular night time routine and I'm thankful for that. Thankful for a bed to sleep in, thankful to feel safe in my neighborhood and this part of the world that I live in, thankful for my toothbrush, etc

January 27th: 3 gifts in the kitchen

1. Coffee maker. Not only for coffee but for making single cups of hot water for hot chocolate or hot tea.

2. Space to entertain. We had 13 middle school girls at my house last night for a craft night and bible study and the kitchen area is where we spent most of our time, and the night before last we had some ladies in the women's ministry over to eat some good food, and watch a movie

3. Microwave. (Stole from Darla Brady) I am a TERRIBLE chef. I can do salad, scrambled eggs, cereal, and anything in the microwave...that's it though. I'm not very patient and I don't read directions very well which are two kind of important things people who cook do.

****something else is the wine cooler. No one in my family drinks wine, so we put bottled water and canned sodas and stuff in it. I've always thought it was pretty cool. It's in the kitchen...*****

January 28th: 3 graces found in friends

1. Forgiveness for when I make mistakes

2. Luaghter on bad days

3. Listening ears and shoulders to cry on

January 29th: A song heard, a soft word, a light seen:

 Song: "All I Can Say" by David Crowder Band(look it up!)

Soft Word(s)(spoken): Ok, God 

Light Seen: Lightning from this storm rolling in. Yikes! :)

Our God is Pretty Cool

This is just something that's really blowing my mind. I bought Jesus Calling by Sarah Young as an app on my iPod. I've done pretty well at taking time each day to read it because I can also read it while I'm on the go. :) I've been having a really hard time with anxiety and just some other things going on but pretty much every single day for the past few weeks the bible verses have been about Peace. I've spent some time on Facebook and it seems like all of my friends, acquaintances, family members, church family members, etc have been posting bible verses or encouraging words right when I need to hear or read them. I've gotten random messages of encouragement and have had random conversations with friends and family that even though I didn't expect to go one way, we spent time talking and working through the stuff going on. The point of saying all this is that even though its incredibly hard to remember sometimes in the moments where life seems hard that God is there beside us, He really is . He's giving me this trial of sorts to get through, but He's also given me the people and words from the bible and little reminders that I need to get me through it. Our God is pretty cool :)

One Thousand Gifts (Jan 15-22)

January 15th: A gift worn, given away, and shared

Worn- favorite pajama pants mom got me for Christmas two or three years ago. They're wearing thin and have a hole or two from being worn so much, but they are my absolute favorite!

Given Away- smiles, hugs, and words of encouragement. I gave a scrapbook to my boyfriend once that was probably one of my favorite gifts I've ever given away.

Shared- time and memories with my family, my friends, my church family, peers, and people around me. Every day is a gift and I am blessed beyond words to share it with the people I do.

January 16th: Three witnessed blessings

1. Michael and Landon's baptism at the beach on a youth trip. (My little brother and my "big brother!") It was pretty awesome and something I'm going to always remember.

2. Being in a church service the other day and during the invitational seven or eight people stood up and said they accepted Jesus. How cool is that?

3. Watching/listening to kids in Sunday school at church talking about Jesus.

January 17th: laughter, prayer, quiet

Laughter- I'm thankful that I know how to laugh at myself when I do goofy things. I've got about a million "Melissa moments" so if your ever down and need a laugh feel free to give me a call. I'm thankful for the friends and family members that can make me laugh when I'm having a really crummy day. :)

Prayer- I'm thankful that God always knows what's on my heart. There are days when I feel very lost, hurt, or angry and those are the days when I have a hard time coming up with words to say. I'm also thankful that He already knows what I need before I even ask Him.

Quiet- driving and listening to music. I know that's not "quiet" per say but when I'm able to sing as loudly and off key as I feel like to, it makes me smile. :)

January 18th: 3 gifts from Gods word

1. Knowing That we can come to the throne of God with confidence (Hebrews 4:16)

2. We are saved by grace through our faith, not by any thing we've done. (Ephesians 2:8)

3. That I can give God all of my anxieties , and know he'll take care of me. (1 Peter 5:7)

January 19th: three gifts that might have never been

1. I may not have become part of my church family if my uncle had not told me about a bible study that his friend was starting at her church when I was in 7th grade

2 and 3. If I hadn't gotten diabetes then I don't think I'd be nearly as close to people like Brandon, if I didn't have my migraines that would be something that my best friend Struggles with that I would be unable to to really understand. If I didn't suffer with anxiety then I wouldn't be able to identify with my friends that do. So I think the gifts of really strong friendships wouldn't be if I didn't have the certain medical conditions that I do.

January 20th: 3 things only seen up close

1. People's likes and dislikes, their heart, struggles, etc. you have to pay close attention to see those things

2. The little scratch on my car next to the big scratch on my car where I hit a green electric box thing....the big noticeable scratch on my car is from when I hit a wall. Don't judge. Lol I'm thankful for my safety.

3. Ants. I hate bugs. But it's a cool reminder because of God cares about a teeeeeeeeeeeeeey tinnnnnnnnnnnnny thing like that, He must really care about us!

January 21st: a gift in sky, water, and memory

Sky: sunset

Water: can the beach in general count? Waves, salt water, fish, sand, seashells, etc.

Memory: family vacations

January 22nd: wrinkled, smoothed, and unfolded

Wrinkled: lol my nose when I laugh really hard

Smoothed: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or vanilla wafers in peanut butter. Smooth is just a word that reminds me of Jif...ha!!!!!

Unfolded: I'm SUPREMELY thankful to unfold my clean clothes every day that my mom takes the time to wash, dry, and fold. I don't tell her thank you enough for how awesome she is

"Let Me Bless You"

This is the devotion from Jesus Calling today. i just really needed to hear this and wanted to share.

"Let Me bless you with My grace and Peace. Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you. Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace.

It is easy to touch up your outward appearance, to look as if you have it all together. Your attempts to look good can fool most people. But I see straight through you, into the depths of your being. There is no place for pretense in your relationship with Me. Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood. Talk with Me about your struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Little by little, I will transform your weaknesses into strengths. Remember that your relationship with Me is saturated in grace. Therefore, nothing that you do or don’t do can separate you from My Presence.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
—1 Samuel 16:7

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
—Romans 8:38–39"

One Thousand Gifts (Jan 12-14)

January 12th: Above, below and beside
Above- Sunshine (even though it's seriously lacking today and we're dealing with crummy gross memphis weather! It's still there though!)
Below- the piles of things under my bed. I'm thankful to live in a country where I have a safe place to sleep at night and freedom to throw whatever I want to under my bed! (as long as mom doesn't find out. Shhh!)
Beside-books on my side table.

January 13th: 3 Things about yourself that you are grateful for
1. The way I'm determined and passionate about certain things. If I set my mind to it I know I can do anything, and if it's something I love then you'll probably have a hard time pulling me away from it. Haha it gets me in trouble occasionally like when I spend twice as much time on my English homework instead of doing my Algebra, or work on something for my middle school girls instead of doing an essay that's due the next day.
2. My height. I love being tall, you should try it sometimes Angie Jennings! <---- it gives me little snide jokes like that that i can make to my mom and other short friends/ family members. Ha! Just kidding.
3. My love for people. I love to talk, I love to listen to stories, I love helping people, I just really love being around people. I'm grateful for that bc it's given me opportunities to learn from all sorts of people: young and old!

January 14th: 3 startling graces from God
1. His unconditional love for me. I still don't totally understand this one. No matter how many times I screw up He still loves me. And it's crazy how He reminds me sometimes!! I was on the way home yesterday and I said something along the lines of "God I'm feeling really anxious and far from you, and I don't feel like you're listening to me at all." And then, frustrated,I put my iPod on shuffle and two or three songs in a row came on that we're singing ab Gods peace and love for His children. How cool is that?
2. He isn't mad at me for messing up. It goes with His love for us but it deserves its own number because His mercy and forgiveness really blows my mind.
3. He is patient with me. When I try to control things and insist on doing everything myself He doesn't yell at me and strike me with lightning or anything like that. He waits for me to realize I can't do anything without Him, ask for his forgiveness, and allow Him to show me what He has in store for me. This is kind of a continuing cycle between me and God. I'm learning and its getting better, but I'm amazed by how patient He is with me.



Our church's women's ministry is doing "one thousand gifts" where we post three things we are thankful for every day onto a private page on Facebook. I am really bad at keeping up with stuff like that, and I like to comment and explain the reasons I pick certain things, so I figured doing this through the blog is a better idea. :)

One Thousand Gifts (Jan 1 - Jan 11)

January 1st: Three things heard
Music! (All of it! Today I've been in a Taylor Swift mood...)
Birds while I'm walking through the park
The bell telling me it's time to leave school and start the weekend

January 2nd: Outside, Inside, on your plate
Beautiful Weather
My Dog
Haha, a microwave Lean Cuisine meal

January 3rd: three graces you've heard
a teacher telling someone else I was doing a good job
my grandmother laughing and smiling and talking
talking with a friend while walking through the park

January 4th: A gift old, new, and blue
A bouquet of paper flowers
new earrings
blue T-shirt that has a coffee cup on it that says "Espresso Your Heart to God"

January 5th: Something you are making, reading, seeing
reading "Not a Fan" on my nook (reccomend!!!)
making a cross stitch Owl...it isn't coming along very quickly...
seeing a bunch of smiling faces

January 6th: one thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart
My bag- homework (I'm thankful for my education in general. I may not always like school but I'm thankful I have the opportunity to go.)
My fridge- Sugar free minute maid (in a can) lemonade
My heart- Jesus

January 7th: three graces from people you love
Forgiveness when I've done something wrong
Encouragement when I'm having a hard time
Advice and wisdom when i need it

January 8th: dusky light, surprising reflection, lovely shadow
A sunset! (tonight's was really pretty. It's been raining the past few days and it's really cool how God made something so beautiful right after something cold, wet, and yucky)
The conviction I have felt while reading the book "Not a Fan."
(this one was hard) the shadow of the bartlett police man car that was driving behind me earlier. Not thankful for the nervous wreck it made me for that four or five blocks, but I'm thankful we have police officers and firefighters to help keep us safe.

January 9th: a gift held, passed by, sat with
 My ipod touch
the beach
Jesus Calling devotional my bible study leaders, Angela and Jessica, gave to me for Christmas (2011)

January 10th: A gift sour, sweet, just right
 Sour Patch Kids (Christmas color special edition)
Great grandmother's fried pies
Not too hot, not too cold, coffee or tea my mom makes me before I walk out the door for school

January 11th: 3 yellow gifts of fresh mercy
 Sunflowers to remind me to face the Son (stretching it a bit but it counts!)
Yellow T shirt that I bought on Destin FL Youth trip to remind me of the beach and fun times with youth group. Reminds me of the first destin FL trip we went on. I became a christian on that trip. God's mercy saved me! :)
Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal. He's really big and makes a great pillow. I sleep at night on him. I wake up in the morning. God's mercies are new every morning. (also stretching it, but it also works)




Church's women's ministry started doing "one Thousand Gifts" where we list 3 things we are thankful for every day. I already know I'm not going to remember to post every day so I'll post it on my blog and update/catch up as often as I can in various posts. :)

"After You"

Here's my little happy to share with you today:

I walked out of house this morning with my hair pulled up, sweatpants on, a solid red Tshirt, and a pair of sneakers. It was one of those days! It's gross outside, it's cold, and I want to crawl back under the covers and sleep!! Today, on three different occasions, three different boys went out of their way and held a door open for me. Not just propping a door open with their hand as they walk in, actually opening a door and stepping aside. One even threw in an "after you." These weren't grown ups either! Three high school boys. Three high school boys that I don't know. Three strangers. See my point? On some days, I'm impressed if boys at my school say "excuse me" after they belch. I'm not saying girls are perfect members of society with impeccable mannerisms. I've seen girls who can belch the alphabet to the tune of  "Old MacDonalad." (Not really...that would be impressive though.) I'm just saying that stereotypically, high school boys just don't show off their manners like they show off how many noises their armpits make before the teacher comes back into the room.

Anyway, I know this seems like a small thing but on days like today when you feel thrown together and feel like things keep falling apart, those little things make a world of a difference. Ladies, chivalry and southern charm are not dead. ;)

Good-Bye 2012...Hello 2013!

Found this. Love it! Had to share!

 

2013 Mini Bucket List

2013. WHAT? How did that happen? Well, here we go! Here's to a year of new adventures and fun surprises! 2012 is behind us and there's nothing we can do to change it. Let's hold our heads up and look forward to all the wonderful things this year has in store for us. My biggest "goal" this year is to get healthy. I would love to come off my medication for my diabetes and get my blood sugar under control. It won't be easy, but I know I can do it if I really set my mind to it. As for the migraines I've been having, I'm hoping we finally have a medication that works for me and that they become less frequent this year! :) I don't really have the cliche list of New Year's Resolutions to show you, but I decided to make a "off-the-top-of-my-head" bucket list of things I really would like to do/accomplish this year.

Happy New Years everyone! :)



The mini 2013 Bucket List (in no particular order)
-Scrapbook all of my youth group pictures and take lots of pictures at church this year!
-Take my bike and go ride a bike trail somewhere
-Eat Wedding Cake Supreme at Jerry's Sno Cones at least once this summer
-Find a job doing something I like to do
-Read through the Bible
-Graduate High School
-Learn how to cook edible things that do not come from a microwave
-Take time to practice my photography
-Lose weight (no set amount, just try to be healthier)
-See Les Miserables (This will be marked off very soon! I've been waiting for that movie to come out for years! SOO excited!)
-Go camping with my friends
-Go canoeing with my dad (We are SOO doing that this year. We've been talking about it forEVER!)
-play "Messy Twister"
-Get out on the lake this summer
-Go on a mission trip